some background info

When I was 18, it was suggested by a therapist that I could be struggling with untreated ADHD. At the time I was a punk rock vegan hippie-type living in the northwest. The last thing I was willing to do was partake in some pill-happy western medicine solution for anything. I was not willing to even take Advil or cold medicine, that's what water, sleeping in dark rooms, and weed are for. There were plenty of herbs, dietary regimes, and exercises I could do to heal any ailments. I am not discrediting any homeopathic methods, and still generally partake in them as a first option to this day. 

I then began a decade or more of self-medicating for my possible ADHD-caused symptoms. Much to my success, most methods were sufficient, helpful and benefited me greatly. They were practices I had been doing since a young age, and also new methods I started based off suggestions from various resources. Below is a (mostly hindsight) list of how I coped with my supposed ADHD and it’s symptoms for all of my 20's:

1. Caffeine/ sugar /nicotine

2. Passion Flower/ kava-kava / Marijuana

3. Understanding my most “productive time spans” throughout the day

4. Fish oil/ Zinc/ Evening primrose oil

5. Embracing the “interesting factor”

6. Becoming self-employed

7. Astrological Sign/traits knowledge (Gemini)

Next I am going to go into further detail over each method:

1. All three listed here are uppers. ADHD is generally treated with pharmaceutical grade stimulants. I learned to use massive amounts of coffee in the morning to jump start my energy, and then would rock a sugared soda or two later in the day, to continue speed. I began smoking cigarettes in my early twenties, and found comfort in my much needed regrouping "breaks", physical nicotine rushes, and doing something with my hands to aid in focus while in conversation. 

2. All three listed here are downers. I will keep it real: I prefer these. I'll always favor mellow. ADHD generally leads to periods of hyper impulsiveness and anxiety. I learned that passion flower and kava-kava were really helpful to stabilize my feelings of being rushed and anxious. They would help me maintain a moderate level of mellowness. I would drink kava-kava tea at night, to calm down from the day, deactivate my stimulants mentioned above, and be able to fall asleep at night. I began smoking pot regularly around 18. If you're a stoner, you'll understand when i say: I smoked some insanely good West Coast, northwest shit. I know what strain it was, i knew how it was grown, and it was very close to becoming legal. Marijuana absolutely affected my life for the better. It was the most incredible discovery that I will forever be grateful to. For the first time I could focus, quiet my mind, tap into creativity for long periods of time, eat healthy, concentrate on positive things, let go of worry, nurture ideas and truly understand what it felt like to be functionally happy, productive, and at peace in my own mind. It was a complete game changer for my life.

Hands down: Marijuana was incredibly effective for me and helped my ADHD symptoms then, as accurately as Adderall does for me now. They both work for me. Both also have potential downfalls if not used responsibly, correctly, or "just because every one's brain is different", when treating ADHD. Ultimately, my experience has been that both can equally change your life for the better, and I am so grateful. (If you want to quickly test this theory, when you get home at the end of the day, try switching the last daily dose of your prescribed stimulant for a few puffs on a joint while you're PMS-ing. trust me, you'll get it.)

I will be making an additional post digging deeper and entirely about self medicating with marijuana for my ADHD symptoms. It is very common among people with ADHD, and specifically for women. It's pretty juicy, so stay tuned.

3. My most productive time spans were early mornings, and late at night. Looking back, it must have been from coffee in the morning, and then weed at night. My afternoons were full of naps and feeling overwhelmingly distracted. If i needed to get something done, it was going to have to be early or late. Once you're aware of it, you can plan your days accordingly, and it's tremendously helpful.

4. All three listed here are known to help people with ADHD. I have awesome people in my life who taught me all about what roots, herbs, supplements and vitamins to take for various reasons in my life. They were very useful, healthy and beneficial for me, and still are to this day.

Here is one of many resources to learn all about that:   vitamins and supplements for ADHD

5. The "interesting factor" plays a huge part in my order of starting and finishing something. If I could actually complete making a list, my plan of attack would be in order of interest, not importance. I'll give an example:  If I needed to clean my house, I would buy a fun new cleaning product, burn a new candle, and re organize/design a room to then inspire me into cleaning. It's a method that people who don't have ADHD use from time to time, (ie: you get a new couch, suddenly you are inspired to clean your whole living room in order to showcase it? or maybe they don't? maybe non ADHDers planned the cleaning project before hand and now they are checking it off their massive (non)intimidating list?) but a person who has adhd does this ALL THE TIME. no joke. I would almost pee my pants in the morning because I had to let the dog out, and start the coffee before it was important (interesting) enough to pee. That's a weird example, but very true. I need to know the 5 things i need to get done, but i don't plan on the order in which they will get done, that's on the fly y'all.  I can have an idea about what dress I'll wear to the party, but i need to feel like wearing it the day of (this explains why i would get anxious to pack for a trip: because it actually does take me longer to pack, because i am packing more. i'm not worried i won't have enough clothes in general, i'm trying to avoid a freakout/breakdown over lack of options for when i get dressed). Once I understood that something had to strike me as interesting and that i needed to feel like doing it for me to begin and (sometimes) finish it, I then learned to use that method to my advantage. I began to manipulate my tasks to go in that order, during times I knew there was a higher probability for it to work with me, and not against me. I quickly learned that if i challenged the "interesting factor", I was most likely going to end up having an emotional shut down at some random breaking point. I tricked my brain into accepting the "glory" in attempts, instead of completion. hey, it's a start? yay me?

This is a great little breakdown on taking advantage of a peak in energy: work-with-your-adhd

6. Anytime I have worked for myself, or at least had power over my schedule and expectations, I am happier, more productive, and more successful. The section above this one comes into play when dealing with scheduling and booking appointments that I need to do. When I am my own boss, i choose my windows of availability. Being a hairstylist absolutely suits me creatively, and mentally. I get the opportunity to get to know tons of different types of people in a very intimate setting. I get to talk or be quiet. I get to do something with my hands. I utilize the creative side of my brain along with the logical, rule based side. Its challenging, engaging, and offers me a flexible schedule while being a routine-based service provider. I love what i do, and love that I have figured out how to do what I love, the way I want to. It's gratifying, challenging, needed, and really fun.

7. I am a Gemini. A June baby. I take astrology and rules of the Zodiac as an interesting, ancient and lovely suggestion. I do not rely on it, nor base my life around it. I just really enjoy it.  Once I learned and accepted that I was indeed a Gemini and all that it entails, I started making a lot more sense to myself. It was useful to be aware of my inherent approaches and tendencies. I accepted and celebrated my ADHD symptoms as just quirky classic Geminisms. And hey, why not? I'm not trying to "cure" myself, I'm just trying to function in the ways i know i can and want to.

Here's a little Gemini breakdown: 

Gemini Character:

Ruled by the quick and lively planet Mercury, the messenger of the gods, and with a masculine (penetrative) nature, Gemini externalises its energy. A mutable (flexible and adaptable) sign, Gemini governs communications, intellectual matters and gossip!

It is an Air (inventive and objective) sign and you, the Gemini, are ingenious, a quick-witted communicator, although often restless, easily bored and can become frustrated by things moving too slowly.

Mercury is the planet of childhood and youth and because of its dual-nature (The Twins) Geminians tend to be elusive, complex and contradictory - on one hand versatile and on the other two-faced and flighty.

The nursery rhyme about the little girl with the little curl in the middle of her forehead springs to mind "And when she was good, she was very very good, and when she was bad she was horrid".

Like children, Geminians are lively and happy if the circumstances are right for you or, on the other hand, egocentric, imaginative and restless.

If things go against you, you sulk like a child. Also like a child, you demand attention, admiration, and the spending on you of time, energy and money, throwing tantrums if you don't get what you want!

Geminians take up new activities enthusiastically but lack application, constantly needing new interests, flitting from project to project as apparently purposelessly as a butterfly from flower to flower.

To Geminians life is a game which must always be full of fresh moves and continuous entertainment, free of labour and routine. Changing track in the middle of the stream is another quirk of your personality, which makes decision making, and sticking to a decision, particularly hard for you.

The lover of ideas but with no need to put them into practicality.

On the other hand your versatility can make you very adaptable, adjusting yourself to control the world around you by means of your inherent ingenuity and cleverness.

Gemini Mind:

Most Geminians have keen, intuitive, sometimes brilliant intelligence and love cerebral challenges. But concentration, though intense for a while, does not last.

Mental agility and energy gives you a voracious appetite for knowledge from youth onward, though you dislike the labour of learning. You easily grasp almost everything requiring intelligence and mental dexterity, and are often able to marry manual skills to the qualities of mind.

Your intellect is strongly analytical and sometimes gives you so great an ability to see both side of a question that you vacillate and find it hard to make decisions. But your intelligence may very well be used to control and unify the duality of your nature into a most efficient unit.

If faced with difficulties, you have little determination to worry at a problem until you find a solution - you'd rather pick the brains of others.

In intellectual pursuits, as in other departments of your live, you risk becoming a dilettante, losing yourself in too many projects, which you follow until they become difficult.

Gemini Emotion:

In love the Geminian is fickle, not intentionally so but because of the basic inconsistency of your emotional nature, which has an amoral aspect to it.

There is a side to Geminians, which can become deeply involved emotionally and another, which is hostile to sentimentality, which stands back from a romantic situation, laughing at it and the protagonists in it, including yourself, while analysing it intellectually.

Gemini subjects take nothing seriously. So, in love, in spite of your temporary depth of feeling, for the intensity of involvement lasts only while it is new, you are superficial, light-hearted, cool, flirtatious and unimaginative in the understanding of the pain you may give others. You like to look for intrigue, the excitement of the chase, but once you have caught the prey, you lose interest and look around for the next creature to pursue.

In less serious situation you make witty, entertaining companions, good acquaintances rather than friends.

Even at your worst you are never dull - there is usually playfulness below the surface and you can make brilliant conversationalist

Pretty aligned with ADHD, huh? I'm sure you can see why, after reviewing gemini breakdowns, I made sense to myself. I had a hall pass. My ADHD symptoms, were suddenly part of my charm. Don't get me wrong, they are- that is the point of it all, I just needed them to work for me, and not against me. 

After breaking all these methods of coping down to myself, I really had a clear concept about how i had been handling and coping with my adhd symptoms for years. Yet, here i was, needing some sort of change and different approach. My main coping method was marijuana, and that began to work against me after I moved to Texas. I had little access to it, it is illegal here, my tolerance level went considerably lower, and I could not guarantee its integrity. Ill get more into that in the marijuana post to follow. 

I decided I must explore information about the thing I had proudly avoided for so long: medication options. The mere thought made me uneasy and anxious.